


Nothing Ever Goes as Planned (or: Toxic Addictions)

by nerdyydragon



Series: Kingsman Tumblr Ficlets [23]
Category: Kingsman (2014), Kingsman (2015), Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: M/M, Pre-Slash, cannon-typical shenanigans, manufactured emotions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-23
Updated: 2016-10-23
Packaged: 2018-08-24 06:49:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8361712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdyydragon/pseuds/nerdyydragon
Summary: Eggsy had been having a good day. As all his good days seemed to go, however, it quickly went straight to hell.





	

**Author's Note:**

> The only thing in here I own possibly would be the chemical compound that made the whole plot possible, and maybe even then.

When Eggsy had rolled out of bed at half five yesterday morning, there was rare sunshine, he actually felt rested, and was working on garnering the courage to ask Harry to go for coffee with him. JB was curled up on the foot of his bed, nothing in his body hurt particularly, and on the whole his life was pretty good.

Now? Not as much.

Stupid megalomaniacs and their goddamn biochemical weaponry.

_ [23:15, unmarked military base, Eastern Siberia. Ten hours ago.] _

Whatever was behind the door exploded, and Eggsy was flung backwards along with a pile of debris and what seemed to be barrels of experimental chemical waste. Rolling to the side to avoid being struck only to discover that he had been soaked straight through his suit in various brightly coloured leakage, he began to panic even has he tore through the rest of the building looking for a way out.

“I still have the chip, Merlin; please tell me that  _ whatever the fuck I just got covered in isn’t going to fucking kill me. _ ” There was muffled cursing on the other end of the communications line and what sounded like a coffee mug shattering. “That good, yeah? How long?”

“As far as I can tell you’re going to be fine, but I’m going to have to pass the rest of this mission off to Lancelot and Bors while you report to medical to make sure there aren’t any side effects.” Eggsy groaned; the thought of Bors taking over any semblance of control of this mission - or any mission of his - made his stomach roll, the older knight would lord it over him for  _ weeks _ .

“Fine. I’m on my way to the rendezvous point now.” The hallways were deserted, all he had to do was destroy the building and nobody would know that he had been there - by virtue of the fact that they’re lifeless bodies were scattered throughout the compound.

“See you soon.” Merlin clicked off and left Eggsy on his own to reach the drop point for the helicopter that would take him to the nearest airport - courtesy of their high-ranking friends in Kingsman’s eastern branches. Flinging a charged lighter behind him and then slamming the industrial-strength steel door, Eggsy could consider this leg of the mission both complete and a success.

_ [03:10, Kingsman Medical Facility, Kingsman Estate, Great Britain. Six hours ago.] _

Sitting on the gurney with members of both medical staff and the tech department hovering around him was uncomfortable to say the least. They had taken blood samples and had physically stripped him of his suit for research. He was down to a pair of trackies and a tank top, but everyone was still far too close for comfort. One of the nurses (she was quite pretty, but wasn’t his type) kept touching his shoulder and asking him if he was alright, and if he needed anything.

He couldn’t quite place the look in her eye, nor the one in anyone else’s.

“I think that’s everything we need,” Gaius said, making a note on his tablet and sternly eyeing the tech staff who had refused to budge. “Why don’t you get some rest, Galahad.” It sounded like a good idea, and the last person had hardly left the room before he was passed out on the bed. It  _ had _ been a long day.

_ [09:30, Harry’s office closet, Kingsman Estate, Great Britain. Current.] _

He sincerely hoped that Harry wouldn’t be too offended by his using the closet as a hiding space. Eggsy had woken up from a well-deserved nap to find far too many people staring far too hungrily at him, and like the master of disappearances that he was, had made a quick exit. Of course, beyond the doors of the medical wing the disturbing looks hadn’t stopped, and his task increased to dodging colleagues (including Roxy, who was the only one he had seen who hadn’t looked like they wanted to eat him - he thanked nearly every deity he knew of that his best friend was a lesbian) and finding a safe place to hide.

And hide he did. In Harry’s closet.  _ The irony _ .

Eggsy heard the sound of the heavy oak door open, and bit back a groan as he listened to the familiar gate of the room’s proprietor getting closer. The door to his hiding place was pulled open as Harry went to hang up his overcoat - after being outside with the newest batch of trainees - and he looked up from his place on the floor. They made eye contact and held it for a long moment.

“Eggsy, darling, what are you doing in here?” He took the offered hand shyly and was pulled out of the small room, colliding with Harry’s chest as a hand planted on his hip to steady him. He made to pull back, but Harry wasn’t letting go. Craning his neck to see the other man’s face, Eggsy let out a sigh of relief. Harry didn’t look like he wanted to have him for breakfast, he just looked curious and mildly worried.

“I was hiding,” he muttered, colouring slightly.

“I can see that, but  _ why _ ?” Eggsy bit his lip and tried to phrase his answer in a way that didn’t sound completely crazy.

“So you know that mission in Siberia? Well I got covered in some sort of chemical compound before the building exploded,” Harry’s grip on his hip tightened. “I’m okay though - I think. Nobody’s really told me anything, they all just look like they want to eat me alive.”

“Well that would explain the lewd conversations I happened to overhear on my way in.” Eggsy’s brow furrowed.

“What?” Harry chuckled and shook his head.

“They don’t want to eat you, Eggsy - well I suppose they might, in context - but it seems everyone you’ve come into contact with finds you extremely attractive. What you’re seeing is excess lust, darling.”

“Not everyone, Rox didn’t, but I guess we could write that down to her liking birds, though -” he cut himself off and narrowed his eyes at the other man. “How come you ain’t going all crazy over me then? I’m not good enough for you, or something?” Harry laughed again.

“No, quite the opposite. I’ve become  _ extremely skilled _ at hiding how absolutely decadent I find you.” With that, Harry released him and adjusted his cuffs. Eggsy blushed.

“Oh, I, um, in that case, do you think -” Harry grabbed one of his hands, lifted it to his mouth and placed a quick kiss to his knuckles, not breaking eye contact, effectively stalling his train of thought before it had entirely left the station.

“Later, yes? Right now, we have to figure out how to fix this fiasco.”


End file.
